I’m Over You, I Truly Am

I’m over you, I truly am.
But I’ll never forget the reputation you gave me.
An anomaly with an ugly aura, oh how you all sneered.
The apathy, you neither knew nor cared how it pained me,
Humiliation day after day, oh how you all cheered.
I forgive you, I do, and I’m glad you forgave me,
But you still sowed the seeds of terror, oh how I fear
That from loneliness, nobody will ever wish to save me.
I weep with every chunk torn from my heart, oh how I tear.

I’m over you, I truly am.
But I’ll never understand how you suddenly changed.
From brightly lit paths to dark chasms, oh how you turned.
No more laughter, only silence is what we then exchanged.
Warm smiles to cold shoulders, oh how you spurned.
Our secrets became mysteries as we became estranged.
Years of regret and pain, oh how I yearn
To show you a side of me not so deranged.
But I remain atop your pyre of anger, oh how I burn.

I’m over you, I truly am.
But I’ll always remember how you looked right through me.
Silly me thought you understood me, oh how you deceived.
But the uniqueness in your confidence and character drew me.
With the key to my chest, you stole affection, oh how you thieved.
Only then did I discover the red flags that threw me:
Unpacked baggage, phobic of commitment, oh how I grieve
The heart you halved, and you never even knew me.
But I won’t let myself lose faith, oh no I still believe.

Oh how I fear,
Oh how I yearn,
Oh how I grieve.

And I may tear,
And I may burn,
But I still believe.

I’m over you,
I truly am.

Published in Love & Heartbreak: A Writing Society Anthology by the University of Essex Writing Society, 2019.


Lie To You

No poisons are whispered or veiled,
You are not wrong to bestow trust,
But considering what my true feelings entail,
Lie to you I feel I must.

I’ll never dry your eyes with a lie,
I’ll never blanket you with deceit,
I’ll never repay honesty with falsehoods.
I’ll answer any question you ask,
Hand on heart,
Fingers uncrossed.
Just please don’t ask.

I’d never say the word “love” without meaning it,
But I assure you, this isn’t shallow lust.
All I know is there’s no way you’re feeling this,
So lie to you I feel I must.

There’s no game plan here,
There’s no ulterior motive,
No premeditated tricks to lull you,
Make you think I’m something I’m not.
I’m not an octopus,
Constantly shifting,
Hoping to slip into your heart through a tiny crevice.

It would be wrong to play your heart like a game,
I know that, but lie to you I feel I must
Because I just know you’d never feel the same.
It’s not about holding out hope for an us.

You’re happy walking down your path,
I’ll settle for the grass beside it.
I do not intend to make you question
My words,
My steps,
My intentions.
You’d prefer the lie if you knew the truth.

The truth is,
I would choose eternal silence,
Despite each and every aching heartbeat,
If it meant I could make you smile just once.

Published in L’amour: A Writing Society Anthology by the University of Essex Writing Society, 2017.